Halloween Part 2A

I'm sure more to come.
Before school:

Do you know...

what exactly happens to you when you have been deprived of a full night's sleep for six months or more? Try the most superlative form of snappish. Try mean. That's me right about now.

Truly. I woke up this morning at 4am with Jolie who had a dirty diaper. (You'll notice throughout this blog that I try not to refer to the actual state of a dirty diaper. First because really no one wants to actually visualize a dirty diaper and second because I talk about them entirely too damn much in real life for a person with as much education as I have. I'm not at all bitter.) As I'm feeding Jolie and literally cursing the fact that a.) her room contains her sleeping 21 month old sister with a cold; and b.) the fact that the last time I changed a person in this room, I left the wipes box empty; and c.) the closest wipes were at least two floors down, I realized that I heard some other little person up and about. WTF?

Yes, Eddie was up and watching Noggin in the basement. At 4am. Thankfully I had the big guns of no trick or treating if his little awake ass didn't immediately get back into bed. It did. It did not however get back to sleep.

So, it's four thirty now and I'm seething. It is, I will confess, my least favorite part of being a mom of four. I love my children. They are amazing little humans. Why won't they stay in bed? Not only did they get up and turn on the t.v., when I finally did go downstairs after about an hour and half more of shut-eye, they were freaking finger painting at the dining room table. Yes, finger painting. With little tupperware dishes with paint in them. And paper. And paint. A lot of it. On the fingers.

Oh, what I would give for a full night's sleep. It would make me a better mom, I'm sure of it. I'd at least like the opportunity to prove myself wrong.

And tomorrow is Halloween. For all you mums out there who read this and are literally terrified of the amount of candy that your children are waiting to consume, try this: tell your kids about the "Halloween Witch." Leave her your candy on Halloween night and on All Saints Day, she will leave you a toy in return for your candy. (Then take all of your candy to the office and torment your fellow workers.)

Halloween, Part 1

Halloween has turned into a week-long celebration of...what exactly? Dressing up and eating candy? I think that's about right. I'll admit it's fun to see everyone dressed up. I just wonder why it seems like we have more parties in the five days leading up to halloween than we do at any other time. This weekend we have parties and events from sun-up to literally sun-down. Granted all of them are not halloween events, and truthfully there is nothing better than a great fall weekend with lots of things to do, I just kind of wish it didn't seem to end up with my kids begging me for their fourth tootsie pop of the morning.

Oh the week that we've had

Wow. This has been one incredible week. With four kids things are rarely calm anyway but if some number of them is sick, the nanny is sick, the mom is sick, it just seems like everything kind of goes down hill from there.

(Also, I will apologize for the fact that my writing of late has been, shall we say, mundane. I just don't have too many witticisms to pepper my writing with so I will not be at all surprised if you are bored to tears. I'm not exactly laughing my ass off either.)

The capper of the week was when I went to my car (the Odyssey, a 6-person car that I transport the kids in) and found that someone had gotten in the car AND STAYED THERE smoking cigarettes, rifling through things, trying to pry open the glove compartment (which was locked), and leaving a small empty bottle of Jim Beam. The car stinks. I feel more than a little violated (they stole my gym bag with my gym clothes and make-up in it), pissed off, and what's more, they stole the good bag of Halloween candy. All the chocolate bars. Dude. So, if anyone has any suggestions for cleaning a car out of smoke smell (did I mention that they dropped one of their cigarettes on the floor and burned a hole in the carpet?), please let me know.

The least they could have done for me this week is leave me a little of the Beam.

Yes, well.

We're on the tail end of a cold. Everyone. The epidemiology goes something like this: Eddie comes home from school and stops sleeping at night. A disgusting runny nose soon follows. Anna then goes to school and gives it to all of her unsuspecting classmates. No one between the ages of 3 and 4 sleeps at night. Due to the no sleeping, Dad then gets the cold and goes back to bed every morning at 8:00am. Three days later, Jolie wakes up with her nose all snotty and Mila has a smoker's cough. Then the nanny calls in sick. Then mom gets the mother of all colds and that's the end of it. Until another iteration shows up at school and starts all over again. I'm totally psyched that they have now taken infant cold medicine off the shelves so you are left to use weird homeopathic remedies like breast milk nose spray and lavender bath salts or whatever. (Ok, so the breast milk thing about the pink eye, I'm willing to tell you, actually works.) As a little comic relief though, Eddie was kind enough to sing for us.
Pharaoh, Pharaoh...Eddie style from alex on Vimeo.

The horrors

It's not going to be fun for you all, but it makes me laugh. We have been actively trying to get videos of the kids for a while. I've figured out the best way to do it. You need at least two people. One person to get them to do whatever it is they are doing, and the other to film it. It's hard and timing is critical. I really wish that my iPhone had a movie recorder on it. That should be on it.


Eddie Sings from alex on Vimeo.

This one is sideways. I will next work on figuring out why QT Pro didn't actually rotate it, even though it said it did.

Annalise Dances from alex on Vimeo.

The Green Dream

Ok, so ever since the "what irks me post" we have tried to up our greening ante (whatever the hell that is) by making some major and some minor changes in our lifestyle. I have a sense that this is going to be an interesting theme over the next few months as we try to reduce our conspicuous consumption, increase the "organic", and decrease our carbon footprint (though, according to this article in Slate, we've kind of screwed the rest of you so accept our apologies in advance).

Here are some of my observations in my about 48 hours with our new diapering system (gDiapers) and my (limited) research on "green" parenting in general:

• You have to be extremely organized. We have three medium size "little g pants" which means we have 6 liners. We have two little people wearing the little g pants at a time, but if they both have a dirty (read: dirty) diaper, we are kind of screwed.
• You need to have one diaper filled with its flushable (the inner part) on the SAME FLOOR that you are on otherwise, you are faced with the prospect of a diaperless and mobile 20 month old and she will invariably prove to you why she is still in diapers while you are running to the floor that has your liner.
• You need to be comfortable handling the flushable in its less than optimal condition. I guess if you are going this route, and you might feasibly be a composter, it doesn't bother you too much. (Or you've changed thousands of diapers over the course of four kids.)
• Green is expensive. It totally is. I know it's the right thing and all that, but if it's going to be something sustainable for the everyday parent, it's going to have to become a lot more accessible. I mean, just go out and price a gallon of organic milk ($4.15 for a 1/2 gallon of Horizon 1% milk) v. a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi (currently $1.25 at Peapod).

Stay tuned for more exciting and riveting tales of our green endeavors.

p.s. I really hate the environmentally friendly lightbulbs. We have them in the house and we all look pale, washed out and exhausted. Or maybe they work too well.

Mila's new hat

Mila has decided the new gDiapers look good as neckwear. But
seriously, they look pretty cool. We're going to use them this weekend
and then try to convince our nanny that they are totally great.

I love the gym

Yes, it's true. We have a new gym that opened near us and it is a little oasis from my crazy world. I flat love it. It's so much cheaper, relatively speaking, than $400 a month on the therapy that I may have required to get me used to the fact that I am the mother of four darling young energy suckers instead of the CEO of a multi-million dollar company. (I could be soon though. I'll bet Carly Fiorino couldn't change diapers while simultaneously sending offer letters with her iPhone. Or iPaq or whatever HP called their little handheld thingies. Totally off topic.)

Anyway, the benefits of the gym, besides the hundreds saved in therapy not used?

• Husband leaves your car with no gas = 15 minutes on the elliptical trainer
• Daughter starts screaming the moment you get up "me no want go to school" (clearly she needs it. oh the grammar horrors at three.) = 15 minutes on the treadmill
• Kids pour left-over sour milk in back seat of car = 12 reps x3 bicep curls
• Just found out your chosen birth control averages about 10 extra lbs per year? = a lot of time at the gym (and a WTF conversation with the ob/gyn who prescribed it without full disclosure)
• Ate a Toasted Almond bar right before you went to bed b/c damnit you deserve it = 25 laps in the pool

See? When you've done all of that, you are too tired to bitch to anyone except your blog. I love the gym.

Sisterly love

Everyone wants to hug & kiss on Jolie. p.s. in case you are wondering why Anna looks like Blanche DuBois in the making, it's because she hasn't been sleeping, had pink eye, now has a cold and is wearing a pink fur stole.

Apologies In Advance

Most of you who read this blog have probably noticed that:

• I lost most of it sometime in September.
• It looks different now.
• I can't seem to figure out what the hell I'm doing.
• It appears as though I have more time than I do.
• I'm trying to figure this shiz-nit out when I should be sleeping.

I will apologize now for what is likely to be some bloggy-craziness over the next few weeks as I try to integrate a new software (RapidWeaver, using RapidBlog) into my life while simultaneously trying to adopt our new greener ways, and getting laundry done and kids fed. It's not likely to be pretty, and at the risk of losing about half of you (the ones who didn't bail at #3), I'm integrating an offline blogging tool with an online tool so I can blog from anywhere.

Because I'm cool mommy-blogger and also slightly insane. But I can't figure out now why all of my posts have Mama Bull at the end of them. Or how to change that fact. Or that a Mama Bull is actually a cow.

Oh, and another thing

I know that when I first started this blog, I extolled the virtue of several things that I thought all moms of more than two should take advantage of. (Ahh prepositions. Whatever. Of which all moms should take advantage sounds totally pretentious.) Anyway, this morning I was reminded yet again of HOW MUCH PEAPOD ROCKS.

Yesterday we had finished the five, yes five, gallons of milk and 15 bananas that I purchased on Saturday morning. Yesterday was Tuesday, people. The dread that I felt about going to work, picking up Eddie, getting home, getting in the car to drive to Costco made me literally want to weep. Hooray for Peapod who was ready and waiting with a 7-9am Wednesday delivery for my 4+ gallons of milk, 10 bananas, 24 jars of baby food, blah blah blah.

Love you, Giant & Peapod. When will Costco deliver?

Just Really Quick

I've not been too mentally sharp lately but this happened on the way to school the other day and it made me laugh:

Mom: I spy a Mini-Cooper.
Eddie: I see it! There it is.
Mom: What color is that Mini? [it was beige]
Eddie: Toenail

Check it out

LifeHacker.com, as part of the Blog Action Day, has put up ways to live greener. The second entry is to replace plastic diapers with cloth AND they mention gDiapers. We should be getting our first order soon so we'll keep you posted as to how well we make the transition (and if our nanny doesn't quit).

Is it just me?

Or does everyone sing half of their conversations? I realized tonight as I was singing the kids up to bed that I sing a vast majority of my directions. For example:

Here we go, here we go, here we go go go. To the tub, to the tub, to the tub tub tub. (William Tell Overture.)
Edd-eeee, Eh Eh Eh-ddie. Do what you're told or we're going to go ho-ome. (Day-O.)
Eat your, eat your, DIN-ner. (We will rock you.)
Great job Anna, great job Anna, great job Anna, you got your clothes all on. (No idea what song that is, but it's catchy.)

I never used to sing. I actually can't sing. But something that they don't teach you before you have kids, and that you have to learn for yourself, is that kids think you are so much cooler if you can make a song out of anything. The sillier the better. It comes in incredibly handy because, and here's another little secret, if you are having a really crappy day, you can just sing, to your kids (who don't know you can't really sing), and they will invariably make you laugh with their reaction.

One of my goals is to get Eddie on video singing his "hum diddle diddle" song, which he told me you should sing when you are having a bad day.

How much fun?

We've taken to making Sundays our "stay at home and hang out together" day. We all eat pancakes for breakfast, talk about the week we had and the week we are going to have. Then we try, typically in vain, to clean up or organize or generally not mess things up more than they already are. The Sundays as family day seems to be working. The cleaning up, not so much.

I'm totally up for suggestions, besides locking my children in their rooms or eliminating them altogether, on the best way to make my house look less like a bad day on the set of romper room. Or on how to keep the forty pounds of playdough we own from ending up on the floor. (Note to Playdough maker, brown Playdough is not a good color. Gold Playdough is totally the best color.) The general problem with playdough is that kids love it. It's good for at least 30 minutes of distraction so you can't eliminate it altogether, but it wreaks havoc on your carpet.

You know what irks me?

There are two real things that irk me as it relates to my kids and me.

First, I really hate when complete strangers ask you what conservative/orthodox branch of [fill in religion here] you belong to since you have so many children. I've been told I must be Mormon, Catholic, Baptist, you name it. We are none of those. I mean, I'm a lapsed Catholic, but that has no bearing on the fact that I have four children. We like our big family. We have a lot of fun. We work harder than most, but we are like a little party in ourselves and no one is ever wanting for someone to play with. You don't have to be devout to have a lot of kids and you can be devout without a lot of kids. The next time someone asks me, I'm going to tell them I'm not devout, I'm just into competitive birthing.

The other thing that irritates me is people who couldn't hack it for ten steps in my shoes making judgement calls about the way I choose to live my life with four kids. Take this quote:

Not to mention people who have a lot of kids and leave a gigantic carbon footprint from all their disposable diapers.....sooooooo uncoooool......

Really? Now, I'd love to have the time and the energy to put my kids in cloth diapers and compost the banana peels and all that and I'm sorry about my carbon footprint, but until and unless you've climbed the steps at my house as many times a day as I have, and put as much energy as I do into raising my kids to be socially aware citizens and humans, I'll thank you not to judge my diaper use. In the spirit of being helpful though, if the author of this site would like to email me for my address, I'd be happy to accept the donation of of these diapers. In the meantime, I'll keep my disposal diapers and reduce my carbon footprint by walking to my destinations, buying from local farms and unplugging all of my chargers at night.

How do you handle this?

New Baby

She's turning into a person!!

Oh the fun of the teacher scoldings

Now I know why sleep deprivation is such beautifully simple torture. I am not exaggerating even a little bit when I say that I haven't had a full night's sleep in probably 6 months. I am an adult. (Most of the time, except for when I blatantly listen to kindie rock on my XM radio with no children in the car. Whatever. XMKids rocks.) If I suffer the long term effects of sleep deprivation, I try very hard to control my behavior and snap only at those closest to me (lucky bastards). Eddie, simultaneously the cause and the victim of sleep deprivation, is not handling it as well. Damnit. Four year olds.

Today I had the excruciating privilege of sitting with two other parents and their offspring while being informed of our children's obvious future delinquent tendencies by their teacher. Apparently, Eddie and the two other children in the mini-chairs were so disruptive that the other kids in the class never learned the third part of Stop, Drop and Roll. Now, if classmates are in the unfortunate position of being in a smoke-filled room, they will lie there motionless. If they had only learned the roll part.

I'm totally being a smart-ass, obviously. But I haven't felt so like a parental failure since I cracked my egg in home economics, thereby assuring the world that I was the person least suited to have four children under four.

And to top it off, as I'm sitting there being lectured mercilessly by a woman who has had her day ruined by three four year old boys (I can totally relate), Eddie, clearly listening and absorbing the enormity of the trouble he is in, whispers to me "mommy, you and Max's mommy have on the same shirt."

Trying to get it all back...

We've been offline for a while b/c I haven't had time to work on what was a catastrophic failure (caused by me) of my blog software. No offense to Moveable Type, but how do they expect a non-detail oriented mom of four to figure out that if you disable your plug-ins, the whole thing will go to hell?